i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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