if you like me you must not know who I am
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
