I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
