did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
