He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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