He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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