My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
