the condom got lost in my hair
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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