apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
