Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
