Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i need some magic done to my vagina
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
