your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
