real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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