I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
