we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
