He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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