my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we're so committed to being not committed
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
