Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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