for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
