The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
