I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
