why didn't you poke me back
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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