you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
