He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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