You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize