he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?