Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."