I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.