And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.