Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?