the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
