I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We need to get me chipped asap
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
