I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
