Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How does one acquire holy water?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
