Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
