hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
