When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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