you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
