There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
