why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
