we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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