did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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