I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
