conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
