she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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