You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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