I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
