I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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