this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
