life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude i'm inner monologue high
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
