I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
