when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
