my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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