Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
