I think I am morally bankrupt
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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