Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
