i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
