After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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