Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
