He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
